All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
