Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
