i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize