wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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