i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
