I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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