no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
