She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
