It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize