well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
