i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
