Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize