Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
