I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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