I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
