the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
