Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
