I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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