oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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