Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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