Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
