I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
