you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
