I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize