Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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