batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
