guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
