After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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