Swine flu. Run for my life!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
