you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sober January is a disaster.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
