will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
