I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
