Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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