remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
