Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
