Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
