So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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