im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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