I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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