Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
