I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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