So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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