They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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