CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize