Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
