everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
