Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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