I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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