I swear she didn't look like that last week.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
