Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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