Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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