I must be too annoying 4 u.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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