do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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