I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
