Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
