Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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