I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
