I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
