I haven't been this sober since birth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
