Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize