So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
