Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
