Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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