...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
