shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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