On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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