I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
