i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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