I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
