I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
