don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
