8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
