just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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