I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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