I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
